I showed him my bush... on skype.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
