just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
