try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
