How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
