Pants 0. Shit 1.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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