Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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