i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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