Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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