Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
