During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
