Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
