He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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