This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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