I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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