We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize