He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
