I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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