Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
