i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
