You made me cry and you don't even care
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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