I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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