if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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