oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
