Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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