I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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