just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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