guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
