i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
