So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
