Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Operation Purity has been aborted
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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