What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
