he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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