i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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