Buhtt sex?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
