I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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