Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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