My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
did i just pee glitter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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