aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
