i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
