I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
