I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
