I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
