I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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