I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
