my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
