I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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