of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
