You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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