oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
