found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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