Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
