dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
