how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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