omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
