Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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