mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
