i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
