Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
